Thursday, August 7, 2008

A Step In the Right Direction

These are my furry babies. I had to be very careful about sliding out from this cuddle so that I could get the picture.

I am just worn out. I know that I am not the only one that is physically tired from day to day living. Today was one of those very unproductive days that leave me feeling guilty. My daughter had her middle school enrollment this morning and that is pretty much the only thing I did. I am always telling other people that taking one day to sit and enjoy a good book or take a nap. However, if I take my own advice, I am full of guilt. This is one of those days, I feel asleep with my son, that was nice, but he must have got up because the next thing I know my phone is ringing and my friend tells me it is about 4:00.

I have never thought of myself as a Type-A personality but lately I am beginning to wonder if I am. Lately I have been having trouble dealing with things I can not control, it makes me insane. Yesterday I was asked if I was a perfectionist, I'm not sure, again I didn't think I was but .......... I asked my husband if he thought I was and he said, "You have a tendency to lean that way but not completely" OK, so maybe that 's a yes. hhhhhmmmm So the question is, how do I fix it?

I have not been myself the last few months. Usually I am the leader in all things goofy, trying to make people laugh, making it a point to embarrass my daughter in public but not lately. Now all I want to do is find a dark place to lay down and be by myself. I don't want to be around people, I don't feel like doing much of anything that I used to. I finally called a psychologist and made an appointment but left feel disappointed. I was told that they don't do the counseling that I was hoping for but he is more than happy to give me a few cards of therapists he recommends. He did talk with me for about an hour, however, then told me he feels I would benefit from antidepressants. First let me say that I have nothing against antidepressants, I took them while in nursing school, it is what helped me deal with school, full time job, kids, husband, clinicals, studying, etc etc. Anyway, I am having a really hard time getting myself to take them now. So, I have six cards of "good" therapists and a bag of medication. Not what I expected from this appointment but I guess it is a step in the right direction.


Marvin the Martian said...

I have two black cats! And friends of ours have two yellow labrador retrievers. They all get along very well.

I went to a therapist who specialized in "image therapy" - visualize your rage or your sorrow or whatever's bugging you, speak to it, what would you say, what would it say back to you, and so on. It was very helpful, the most of all the therapists I went to (perhaps four I think). And Paxil was very good also, though it made me completely "flat" and gave me twitches especially while sleeping. I was glad to get off of it, but it was useful for a time.

I hope you are feeling better today!

DaisyBug said...

I have been away - sorry I missed this... I think you are just exhausted. Seriously. Try to cut yourself some slack. Take yourself out of the game for a day - go do something just for you. Maybe go to a movie (yeah - alone... ya don't have to share your popcorn or answer inane questions!) or hang out at a library or bookstore somewhere... I love to go thrift shop hopping :) Retail therapy without the guilt. The thing is to be alone...

Oh and please look into tai chi. I was on anti-depressants for ten years and no longer need them after two years of TaiChi... It is amazing. Please - find something like that...

Hugs honey!

DaisyBug said...

PS; I left you something at my blog today! Thanks for being my "new reader" :)

we_be_toys said...

Sweet picture of your fur-babies!

You know, I'm sure antidepressants are useful things, but they aren't going to make a dent in changing things around your house (your last post, about the MIL), and THAT would help you, I feel sure.
My dad is a shrink, and he loves to tell me that "depression is suppressed anger". Friggin mantra of my adolescence, but he's actually right, dammit. You've got a lot going on under your roof, and no one else to help you deal with it on a daily basis - who wouldn't be depressed?

My prescription? Clean house. If hubby is going to leave it up to you (and I would be pretty effing pissed about that too) then he can't say shit about not liking your decisions. Give the MIL her notice and change the locks.

God, if it were only that easy, eh?

Vodka Mom said...

I'm new to your blog, and I love it. I feel your pain about your MIL. I've been telling my girls ( 16, 18) watch out- you might marry the boy- but the mother comes with the deal.

I'll cross my fingers for you while I'm having my martini tonight! Heck, fix one for yourself!!