Monday, August 4, 2008

My Mother In Law Lives Here

My mother in law lives in our house. I bet there really is not much else I have to say about that. When I agreed to let her move in I was right in the middle of nursing school AND it was told to me that it was TEMPORARY. Here we are four years later and no steps toward a change.

This, I would say, is the foundation of my stress right now. I finally had a talk with hubby about it and put a time limit on it. She does not pay us rent, she does not help with food or any of the utilities and we have her on our cell phone plan. I am done. He works for a railroad so is gone quite a bit so I don't think he quite understands what it is I am feeling. Not only is she costing us extra money just by being here but one of his brothers really oversteps his welcome in my house because his mom lives here. He will walk in without knocking, goes through the refrigerator, get on our computer and various other things without asking. I have a real problem with that. I told hubby if he did not say something to his brother I will and it will not be nice at all. Now, she does have her own space complete with big bedroom, full bathroom, walk in closet and an entire other bed room that she uses as her living room. She does not help with any house work and usually spends her days on the phone or reading a book. My kids are 9 and 12 and this is not the kind of example I want set for them. She is a very lazy person and seems to be happy living that way. Well, of course, why not. Living with us she does not have to do a damn thing. She is physically able to live on her own so she needs to go do it. What I don't understand is why does she not want to have her own place? This is why I put a time limit on it, I know, I know, it sounds harsh but like I said, no one asked me if she could stay here until she died.

Other issues I have with this arrangement is;
if I am at work and hubby is at work, she is letting the kids do what ever they want and NOT following the rules we have set. Apparently she also feel she is entitled to go on OUR family outings ALL THE TIME, being informed of where I am going and what I am doing and actually getting irritated when hubby leaves the house without telling her he is going. Last I checked we are both in our 30's and don't need to check in with mommy every time we want to leave the house. If on the rare chance she is watching the kids, that is one thing but when they are not being left then it is none of her business.

This is causing me so much stress that him and I are starting to have issues. We have not had "issues" before. We are a normal couple that of course has had problems along the way but this is way different. I would just like to be able to walk naked through my house when the kids are at school, I want to be loud during sex with hubby when he is home and the kids are at school. I want to be able to have quiet time in my own home!!!!


Marvin the Martian said...

Almost everyone whom I have known, who has taken in a friend or relative "for a limited time" has had to throw them out when they refused to leave. People can only take advantage of you if you let them. The question is, will your hubby let his mom continue taking advantage of you both? Hopefully he will put his wife's needs first, before the needs of his mother. That would be the appropriate, manly thing to do.

DaisyBug said...

My MIL lives with us too - the stress here MOSTLY comes from when dh comes home. She bothers him more than she bothers me. When she moved in she brought three dogs with her. One died in April. Two more (plus our one and our cat) too many!

She isn't going anywhere though. She has no credit - filed for bankruptcy and is 78 years old. Healthy as a horse. Suspect she will be here a long long time.

I feel your pain... If you have an out - you should take it... totally. Oh and the thing with your BIL... ETF, man! Fix that straight away!

Lara said...

OMG I had no idea. I would go nuts!

You have every right to be tired of her... She should be helping AND paying.

Set a time limit. Tell her either she has a new place and is moved out by then, or she pays $X per month... and make it high enough to inspire her to move out.

And your BIL should NOT be into your things. Put a password on your computer so he can't get onto it, and make the hubby set other limits and stick to them.

That's just nuts that you have to live that way... I think I'd be finding my own place... seriously!

On a side note... why didn't you tell me about this blog? Email me sometime!

we_be_toys said...

Oh HELL no! That is so unfair to you, having your MIL on permanent visitation, and her son isn't even there all the time to contend with her. I'm with you on the lack of helping out and letting the kids run wild too. It would almost seem like she wants to push the envelope.
Girl! you have my deepest sympathy - I would either have to KILL my MIL, or leave myself, if she lived with us.

Anonymous said...

My mother in law lives with us too. When she first came, 4 years ago, she was very healthy. Now she is 80 and her health is not all that great. She does eat like a horse, and waits for me to cook dinner when I get home from work. My husband is wonderful and I love him very much, but I don't think I can take this much longer. He has two brothers that does not feel they need to help us out in any way. We have asked if they would just take her once in a while. She pays for nothing, we even make her car payment every month. She is noisy, and lazy. I am like the other lady said, I would to walk around in my own house nude if I want, I want to have loud sex if I want, etc. Oh, and did I mention my Mom is sick too. She is 90 and I help take care of her also. You would think the mother in law would offer, but NO...
Thanks for letting me vent....

A Free Man said...

I am right there with you. My mother-in-law has been living with us - temporarily - for nine months. I'm going slowly insane. In the last couple of weeks I've started to set down some moratoriums, but there's no end immediately in sight. I'm so tired of it I could just scream. Instead, I'll just vent here. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!